"it should've been called 'i wanted to leave,' amiright?" ok, that's a cheap shot (and i can't take credit for it), but i had to get it out of the way.
actually, i didn't want to leave. but not because "i want to believe" was any good. in fact, it is horrible. but it's so bizarre that it borders on the surreal. i'll leave aside the obvious questions about resurrecting a well-loved (that's probably understating it) franchise that had been dormant for 10 years. the real problem is the script.
the plot plays something like this: female fbi agent is among women that are going missing in snowy west virginia. body parts (i.e. sawed off arm) keep turning up in the snow. for some reason, fbi calls mulder and scully to help them solve this relatively mundane mystery. mulder is now a grizzly mountain man and scully is apparently a brain surgeon. pedophile priest with psychic powers helps them track down guys who are responsible for the kidnappings. scully is dismissive but intrigued, mulder is stubbornly optimistic. enter cartoonish, gay russian villians who are harvesting organs in a barn straight out of saw/hostel. aliens and conspiracies are conspicuously absent.
the movie immediately kills any sense of sexual tension between mulder and scully by casually cutting to a shot of them in bed together. i could be wrong, but i don't remember that the series ever addressed their relationship that directly. next, there is no compelling plot point to drive the characters - no aliens, no conspiracies, no mysterious dudes in the shadows. instead, we get a melodramatic ex-priest that bleeds out of his eyes and has visions. obviously, mulder "wants to believe" and scully is skeptical. but that doesn't really lead anywhere.
but aside from being boring and completely lacking any suspense whatsoever, "i want to believe" is absurd. for one, scully is a brain surgeon (moonlighting as an fbi agent). the night before she performs a "radical" stem cell treatment on an equally absurd sick chill [he talks like i am sam], she types "stem cell surgery" in google and prints out a bunch of articles. she literally frantically prints them out and pours over them. i guess she's self taught.
next, there is the cartoonish russian villains. for one, they're two gay 50 year olds. one has some terminal disease, so his lover jacks women to harvest their body parts. i guess they've arranged for a team of russian surgeons to move to a grimy, dimly lit barn/dog kennel in rural west virginia, because that's where their hq is. so the surgeons are putting the kindnapped women's healthy body parts into the sick russian's body, right? not exactly. [this is the best part].
instead, the surgeons saw off the sick russian's head, wrap his neck stub in gauze, and then [literally] put his head in a bucket of ice. [he's still alive]. then, they saw off the kidnapped women's heads, and attach the russian's head to their bodies.
maybe i'm being too harsh, but it's just too much to believe. and it's frustrating to all the fanboys out there [myself included] that are left wondering "what the fuck?"
actually, i didn't want to leave. but not because "i want to believe" was any good. in fact, it is horrible. but it's so bizarre that it borders on the surreal. i'll leave aside the obvious questions about resurrecting a well-loved (that's probably understating it) franchise that had been dormant for 10 years. the real problem is the script.
the plot plays something like this: female fbi agent is among women that are going missing in snowy west virginia. body parts (i.e. sawed off arm) keep turning up in the snow. for some reason, fbi calls mulder and scully to help them solve this relatively mundane mystery. mulder is now a grizzly mountain man and scully is apparently a brain surgeon. pedophile priest with psychic powers helps them track down guys who are responsible for the kidnappings. scully is dismissive but intrigued, mulder is stubbornly optimistic. enter cartoonish, gay russian villians who are harvesting organs in a barn straight out of saw/hostel. aliens and conspiracies are conspicuously absent.
the movie immediately kills any sense of sexual tension between mulder and scully by casually cutting to a shot of them in bed together. i could be wrong, but i don't remember that the series ever addressed their relationship that directly. next, there is no compelling plot point to drive the characters - no aliens, no conspiracies, no mysterious dudes in the shadows. instead, we get a melodramatic ex-priest that bleeds out of his eyes and has visions. obviously, mulder "wants to believe" and scully is skeptical. but that doesn't really lead anywhere.
but aside from being boring and completely lacking any suspense whatsoever, "i want to believe" is absurd. for one, scully is a brain surgeon (moonlighting as an fbi agent). the night before she performs a "radical" stem cell treatment on an equally absurd sick chill [he talks like i am sam], she types "stem cell surgery" in google and prints out a bunch of articles. she literally frantically prints them out and pours over them. i guess she's self taught.
next, there is the cartoonish russian villains. for one, they're two gay 50 year olds. one has some terminal disease, so his lover jacks women to harvest their body parts. i guess they've arranged for a team of russian surgeons to move to a grimy, dimly lit barn/dog kennel in rural west virginia, because that's where their hq is. so the surgeons are putting the kindnapped women's healthy body parts into the sick russian's body, right? not exactly. [this is the best part].
instead, the surgeons saw off the sick russian's head, wrap his neck stub in gauze, and then [literally] put his head in a bucket of ice. [he's still alive]. then, they saw off the kidnapped women's heads, and attach the russian's head to their bodies.
maybe i'm being too harsh, but it's just too much to believe. and it's frustrating to all the fanboys out there [myself included] that are left wondering "what the fuck?"
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