de veras

i've been coming to grips lately (trying to anyway) with the fact that things never turn out the way you think they're going to, the way you plan them, the way you envision them when you're looking ahead. i've always pessimistically, self-pityingly, perhaps lazily lamented that. but this weekend, i came to realize that sometimes, if you let them, things might just turn out better than you expect. and maybe that has something to do with forgetting about the expectations, not constantly trying to dictate the outcome, taking things as they come. the art of letting go.

in light of the fact that i've been so often and so deeply disappointed recently, i consciously refrained from looking ahead to this weekend in mexico. for one of the few times in my life, i had no expectations or preconceptions. and it paid off handsomely. i had barely thought about the trip before my plane took off, and when it landed i didn't have a plan. somehow i ended up at the hotel, and after a few indios i ended up at a club with friends. it seemed to me like a party at a west village brownstone attended by the lower east side art set, except with better tans and less pretension. there was a strange comfort in that setting; although realistically i barely knew anyone i was with, it was like i had never been away. and that set the tone for the weekend.

although i hardly ever stopped moving, it was a quiet weekend for me. i mean that in the literal sense; i felt so at ease the whole time that i was comfortable as an observer, a passive participant, content with my own thoughts. so there were parties, late night drives, mexican beers, dj sets, brunches, dinners, conversations, and on and on. and for the first time in many months i felt happy. and i think that is 100% attributable to the people. this weekend i needed taking care of, and it was as if everyone in mexico conspired together to that end. thank you all.

at a party i wondered to myself why everyone was so attractive. "why is this scene different than it is in the u.s.?" by the end of the weekend, i think i knew. everyone seemed happy. why were they all so optimistic, so cheery, so friendly, so engaging? i don't know, but i found a remarkable lack of cynicism. and it stands in stark contrast to american dissatisfaction. it's ugly, and for the first time i was envious of another culture. it's all very post-irony, an environment in which people aren't scared ("too cool") to have fun. and it's fucking glorious. a sunday afternoon dance party with no alcohol? time to get down:

i've never fully understood how contagious emotions can be. pretending that it's "sooo hard" to be happy has been a means of self-definition for me. but that's lazy and confining and self-fulfilling. after this weekend, i'm done with that. sometimes it's as simple as putting on some house music, opening an indio, and not being afraid of having a good time.

thank you, mexico, for helping me realize that.