to the green light

when a friend texted me "r.i.p peter steele," i thought he was kidding. after all, this wasn't the first time i'd read that peter was dead. in 2005, the band posted news of his death on their official website. i remember reading all the speculation as to whether he was really dead. it turned out to be a joke, but it wasn't very funny to a lot of the type-o superfans on metal discussion boards that take these things very seriously. as it turns out, this time it's not a joke. dead of heart failure at 48.

unless i know them, i usually don't give a shit when people die. not to be a dick, but who cares? i don't know heath ledger. i guess it sucks that there's no more joker or whatever, but it's not like i was friends with him. but this time it's different. and i'm not just looking for an excuse to get sentimental. type-0 is (was?) the band i've seen more than any other band. i think i've seen them 6 times. at the moment (and before peter died), i have a type-0 cd on my bedside table. the other day as i was lying there listening to it, i noticed the ticket stub i stashed inside the front cover. the "world coming down" tour at deep ellum live in 1999. fucking 11 years ago. i was 17. i bought a shirt ("only the dead know brooklyn") and wore it to school the next day.

and that wasn't even when i first got into them. i remember bringing my october rust album to tennis practice in 9th grade. i guess that was like 1996. it was an emotional time for me. on top of the usual adolescent bullshit (read: unbearable sexual awkwardness), a lot of my friends had moved, i hated my school (the walters of the world kept slapping me upside the head, literally and figuratively), and my parents had recently divorced. i used to listen to 97.1 the eagle while i played nhl '96 on genesis in my bedroom. (i had one of those game chairs, and i used to game and blast metal and call kegl to try to win tickets and stuff). one night dangerous darren played "my girlfriend's girlfriend." those synths! his voice! i'd never heard anything like it. that weekend (like every weekend), when my dad dropped me off at cd world, that record was at the top of my list. i've been listening to it ever since.

throughout the years, type o has meant a lot to me. after falling in love with october rust, i dug into their catalog and picked up slow deep and hard, bloody kisses, and origin of the feces (used, at cd world naturally). "black no. 1" and "christian woman" were on repeat for much of that year.

[dude, i just fucking watched the video for "christian woman" . . . i cannot believe how fucking badass it is! i hadn't seen it since i sometime in the '90's, like on 120 minutes or beavis and butthead or something. i totally had to close my door at the office and turn that shit up to 11. body of christ!]

in 1999 they dropped world coming down. easily their heaviest, darkest record, and probably their masterpiece. it's one of the records that has meant the most to me over the past 10 years, and probably will forever. the cd is on my bedside table; i still have the poster; i saw them twice on that tour. it has to be one of the records i've listened to more than any other (except ten by pearl jam. nothing will ever top that). on the whole, the record finds the perfect balance between genuine emotion and humor; it's more honest and much less ironic than the albums that came before it. as with all their work, "grief, depression, and loneliness" are the central themes. and for a sensitive, frustrated, melodramatic, insecure 17 year old, it was life changing. i still get chills when kenny's (the guitar player) vocals kick in on "world coming down." ("yeah i know, i knooooooow, i'm the one who brought it down") [wait for the break down at 6:50].

in a very real sense, i grew up with these guys. they've been with me through divorce, my agonizing teenage years, college, law school, travel, break-ups, and deaths. i've listened to their records in good times and bad. i've seen them in big venues and small, alone and with friends. i've seen peter rip the strings off his bass with his hands and pound a bottle of wine (straight from the bottle) in one gulp. i've seen him storm off the stage and then return and apologize (it was too hot that night in austin for four dudes from brooklyn). i've seen josh guzzle a bottle of vodka and then smash his keyboard. i saw dimebag darrell and vinnie paul at one of their shows. the first time i saw cocaine was at a type o show. i can sing along to almost all of their songs. and it fucking kills me that i'll never be able to see them again.